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Friday, November 8, 2013


Sometimes, it bothers me that I'm the only single member of the family when we all get together. At first.

Then we naturally settle down into some topic of conversation and suddenly the pregnant step-sister shares the details of her birthing plan and why it's better to go natural even if it means splitting your lady parts in half forever. And then the other step-people with babies are wiping up vom, snot and dirt and literally sticking their noses into a dirty diaper just to confirm that the feces does in fact exist. Then the horror stories of in-laws start to escalate including the story of a mother-in-law sending pajama jeans as an actual, genuine Christmas gift, and I find myself thinking ... "Okay. Exactly why does this bother me again?"

It's a slow day at work today, and I'm counting up all my vacation days, trying how to best divide them up between Thanksgiving & Christmas. Then, I actually starting thinking about Thanksgiving & Christmas. About the baby stickiness. And the arguing with the significant other over family members. And whose turn it is to do any and everything.

 And I think for the first time EVER .... I am excited to be the only single person in my family of 9 during the holidays this year. And here's why:

1. I don't have to pretend I like a present that is actually the worst thing I've ever seen.
2. And the money I save not buying something for a bro ... goes in my "Buy Whatever You Want, Amy, Because You Are So Awesome & Pretty" bucket.
3. Bring on the garlic-y and onion-y dishes for minty freshness is not a concern.
4. And for that matter, bring on that second piece of pound cake because, why the crap not?
5. And that fourth glass of wine.
6. I can go the whole holiday season without saving my legs ... and no one would ever know. And that is a beautiful thing.
7. In-Laws. Because I'm the worst at faking smiles and happiness.
8. Blasting "All I Want for Christmas is You" as loud and as long as I want without any groaning or judging
9. I get to be the one holding the dog in all the family photos. Always a pleasure.
10. What if I like wearing my grandma Christmas, snowflake panties and socks?

Thus far, I haven't met anyone worth giving up all the above. And until then, I'm going to bask in all its glory while drinking a fourth glass of wine in my snowflake panties and reindeer socks.