cow sigma moo

a few days ago, one of my bestest friends received a phone call with exciting news.

ladies and gentlemen ... lisa primiani has been appointed the national collegiate membership director for phi mu (such a mouthful, no?)


i just so happened to be in the car with her when she got the call and homegirl FREAKED out. i mean, she fought back tears, did some yelling, almost forgot to pay the chickfila lady as we left the drive through, etc.

insanity.

i'm super happy for her because it makes her happy. i've never seen her so excited before (except when she saw all 2,487 of her friends at ken's in tallahassee) ... but this tugged at my heartstrings, i will admit.

and for me to say that about phi mu related activity, is a big deal.

see, lisa lives and breathes for phi mu. she's obsessed with it. she bathes in it. she's always said that her blood is more of a pinkish color than it is red and she refers to everyone as "sister". she decided a few weeks ago that her new life goal was to be the godmother of my future children and raise them to be just like her ... phi mu's in the making. she's even completed my future daughter's rec for rush. i kid you not.

i, on the other hand, attended auburn and had ZERO desire to be in a sorority. i was a punk with a serious attitude. i was mad at the world (my mom was about to get remarried and i wasn't really handling it that well) and i didn't want anyone (girls my own age for that matter) telling me what to do. in fact, i judged and hated and loathed every sorority girl i came in contact with at auburn (at least for the first two years). my handful of girlfriends and i didn't need alpha gamma theta sigmas. so there.

on my very first day of attending class here at ua, this girl lisa introduced herself to the class.

"hey everyone. my name is lisa and i attended florida state university where i was apart of the phi mu sorority"

great. this is just great. i already hate a classmate, i thought. what a snot. a phi mu. gross.

long story short ... lisa (or as me and the rest of the group call her ... the leesears) is now one of my bestest friends.

now ... back to the day of the phone call.

after she hangs up, we head back to her apartment to consume our ever wonderful, ever divine chickfila.

after stuffing our faces, in honor of the moment, the leesears changes into this really sweet phi mu/'merica tank that i actually really really loved. it made her look alot like harvey updyke's daughter. it was kinda wonderfully horrible.

i said, "hey leesears. i want a shirt like that. i want a neon pink one."

leesears says, "amy, you can't have one. you aren't a phi mu" ... very much sounding like ...



this sparked a debate. leesears went onto to explain that it's not okay for people to go around wearing greek letters when they aren't greek....

"if i saw someone wearing phi mu letters," she said,  "i'd think they are my sister and would say something to them, you know? it's like a connection that you can't pretend to be apart of" ... okay, well those weren't her exact words but it was something like that.

obviously, if someone is going to tell me i can't do something ... i'm going to make it happen. that's just asking for it.

SO, i've decided to develop my own sorority that will be active at AUBURN UNIVERSITY only!!

introducing .... cow sigma moo. 

and because only really awesome "it" girls are cow sigma moos ... i've developed a rigid, but do-able list of rules for every cow sigma moo to follow. the rules may seem harsh, but it's only to ensure that we have the BEST of the BEST.

RULES OF THE COW SIGMA MOO

1. all hair must be natural colored. if your hair is dyed a natural color and your roots show, then you have to go dumpster diving twice a week to fetch out coupons so we can save money on our kitchen budget.
2. you must shave your legs everyday and your armpits every other day. no one likes a hairy cow moo.
3. you must always have three David Yurman bracelets on at all times.
4. if you eat more calories than the equivalent of a banana and a cup of yogurt for breakfast, then you must make yourself throw up at least four times before lunch.
5. all muffin tops and camel toes will result in immediate dismissal from the cow sigma moo sorority
6. as do chapped lips
7. you must always order a salad when eating out ... and the dressing must always contain either "fat free" or "reduced fat" or "light" adjectives ... and it must always be on the side. just to ensure we don't take up on calories. just because we are cow moos, doesn't mean we need to ingest extra lard, ladies.
8. all cow moos are restricted from even darkening the door of a thrift store. a consignment store is okay but your purchases can only be labeled Michael Kors, Chanel, Lily Pultizer and/or Tory Burch. Absolutely NO Charlotte Rouse or Xhilirtation allowed inside the cow sigma moo house. ever.
9. we prefer you buy any and all grocery's from Publix or Whole Foods. But if that's not possible and you absolutely HAVE to go to a Wal-mart or Target, make sure you put a bag over your head so you won't be seen and NEVER EVER EVER purchase Great Value or Arbor Hill brands. those are poor people brands.  and we are NOT poor cow moos, are we?
10. And finally, you must have at least 10 xxl neon t-shirts, 12 Nike Tempo shorts, 1 pair of Jack Rogers, 3 pairs of Chacos, 1 pair of Uggs and 100 leggings to even be considered during rush. if you don't have all of the above, then it's best to walk away.

i'm pitching my new sorority idea to auburn within a matter of days.

thoughts anyone?