NYE & another dress story

This year was the first time in five years that I’ve had big major New Year’s Eve plans.

Going into 2009, a good friend of mine took me to a random house party and made me my first alcoholic beverage. It was disgusting, and I made him take me home an hour later.

Going into 2010, I was working at Walt Disney World until 1 am that night.

Going into 2011, I was in New York visiting my then-boyfriend and his family. We stayed in and watched the ball drop with sweet Dick before he passed into the rockin’ beyond.

Going into 2012, I sat and pouted because I had just broken up with the boyfriend because he was a pothead and liar and all around pathetic excuse for a person.

So … after much reflection on my past New Year’s Eves, I decided that I was not going to settle for crap again this year.

I got in touch with a girlfriend who is lucky enough to have her own apartment here in Birmingham (One of these days, dang it. I WILL be an adult with my own place. Soon SOON SOON!!) and begged her to co-host a party with me. And thank the Lord, she agreed.

In my excitement, I bought my dress like … four weeks in advance. I’m pretty sure it was still November when I bought it. But I didn’t care. I was too pumped up for what I envisioned to be a wonderful, memorable evening.

I got it from Forever 21 and only paid $30 for it. It was light pink and sparkly and gorgeous. And I already had a clear vision for the kind of tights I wanted (nude with something shimmery) and the kind of shoes I wanted (pink/gold sparkly heels). EXHIBIT A - 

Now, when I originally tried this dress on ... it was a little bit snug, yes. But I thought I’d be able to pull it off and that everything would be fine. I just wouldn’t eat at all on New Year’s Eve … that seriously was my plan. When you fall in love with a dress, you do what you have to make it work. It’s like ... the number rule of feminism.

The night before the party (around 11:30 pm, mind you), I was too excited to wait to put the whole outfit together and I just had to try it on to see the full effect.

Hindsight, I can honestly say without hesitation, that that was GOD. My pre-party outfit try out session was GOD working his divine magic.

I slipped the dress over my head, pulled it down and began to have a panic attack. I had …. the double boob.

I had four boobs.

I had the two regulars … and then the two faux pas boobs. It was a saddening, frightening, terrifying, heart dropping sight to behold. I was fighting back tears and struggling to breathe. The party was less than 24 hours away, and I couldn’t go out in public with four boobs. No one would want to kiss a girl at midnight with four boobs. 

I began to FaceTime my girlfriends, showing them the quad situation in the dress. They said they couldn’t see the problem. I was twisting and turning my phone every which way get the best angle. They still couldn’t see. But claimed that SPANX would solve the problem. Well, I didn’t have any SPANX … but my friend Courtney does. And I needed to have this problem solved … like ASAP. There was no way I was going to go to bed without knowing my New Year’s Eve fashion fate.

So I hopped in my car at 11:45 pm and drove the 20 minutes out to Helena to try on the SPANX with my gorgeous pink but super snug, double boob giving dress.

The SPANX did iron out the doubles, yes … but it still bunched up all weird, and I felt extremely uncomfortable and ugly. My friend Janie made the good point that I looked fine, but if I didn’t feel confident in it, I would be miserable all night. And she was right. So I made the executive decision to ditch the dress for something that I felt pretty in. It was a hard tough bitter decision but it had to be made.

The plan for the next day was to wake up and be at the mall by the time it opened, return the dress, get store credit and find something else just as pink and just as sparkly because I paid a good amount of money for my super awesome sparkly pink shoes and whatever I bought had to match them.

Forever 21 sucks and wouldn’t give me store credit or my money back. Or anything. So I’m out $30. Which is one of the best parts of this story … and I say that with as much sarcasm as I can muster. $30 to someone who hasn't been paid in over a month and a half ... might as well be $100.

I tried on a ton of crap and finally settled on a pink sparkly top that I decided to pair with my favorite pair of black skinny pants.  Exhibit B –

Needless to say, New Year’s Eve did not really turn out the way I thought it would … in several different ways actually. I had fun though, felt semi-attractive, and it was definitely memorable. Definitely definitely memorable.

Hope y’all all have fun stories to share from that night! Feel free to share.